Difficulties Jokes

The Dictionary: what engineers say and what they mean by it

Major Technological Breakthrough
Back to the drawing board.
Developed after years of intensive research
It was discovered by accident.
The designs are well within allowable limits
We just made it, stretching a point or two.
Test results were extremely gratifying
It works, and are we surprised!
Customer satisfaction is believed assured
We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all.
Close project coordination
We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this.
Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties
We are working on something else.
The design will be finalized in the next reporting period
We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.
A number of different approaches are being tried
We don't know where we're going, but more...

ENGINEERING DEFINITIONS…WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN!!!
Major Technological Breakthrough = Back to the drawing board.
Developed after years of intensive research = It was discovered by accident.
Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforseen difficulties = We are working on something else.
The designs are well within allowable limits = We just made it, stretching a point or two.
Customer satisfaction is believed assured = We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all from us.
Close project coordination = We should have asked someone else; or, let’s spread the responsibility for this.
The design will be finalized in the next reporting period = We haven’t started this job yet, but we’ve got to say something.
A number of different approaches are being tried. We don’t know where we’re going, but we’re moving. = It works, and are we surprised!
Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh more...

Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.
"I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months."
"Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked.
She responded, "It's the best way I can learn which ones I can do without."

A man and his wife are having serious financial difficulties, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.
Not quite sure of what she's to do, her husband explains that she's to stand in front of the bar and pick up a guy. "Tell him it's a hundred dollars. If you have any questions, I'll be parked right around the corner," he says.
She stands there for a few minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"
"A hundred dollars," she replies.
"All I have is thirty," the guy says.
She tells him to hold on, runs back to her husband and asks, "What can he get for thirty dollars?"
"A hand job," her husband replies.
She quickly runs back and tells the guy that a hand job is all he can get for thirty dollars. He agrees and she gets in his car.
He unzips his pants and out pops an enormous penis.
She stares at it for a minute, eyes popping out of her head, then says, "I'll be right more...

One day a blonde was surfing the internet. After a few hours, she decided to have a coffee break.
When the blonde came back, she screamed. There was a bug on her moniter! She ran upstairs and grabbed a fly swatter. When she came back down she couldn't swat the bug. It was to big!
The blonde then remembered the label on the computer, for people having technical difficulties. After a while of searching, she found the label. She called the number immediately.
"Hello, this is Dell technical difficulties station", a man on the other side said.
"Hey, there's a bug on my monitor, and I tried swatting it, but it won't come off!" The blonde cried.
The man replied, "Well, the solution is simple. You take the mou-"
"A mouse won't eat a bug this big!" the blonde said, cutting the man off.
"No, no, no! All you have to do is move the mouse, then the screen saver will turn off."