Dinner Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went."Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter."Did it not taste good?" her mother asked."I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"

At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, "Likee soupee?". The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.
A little later, it was "Likee fishee" and "Likee meatee" and "Likee fruitee" and always the response was an affable nod.
At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening - none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of the American neighbor.
When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbor and with a mischievous twinkle in this asked "Likee speechee?'

Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making

dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a

good time to tell his mother what he wanted.



"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of

a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike

for his birthday.



Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.

Johnny's mother wanted Johnny to reflect on his behavior over

the last year. "Go to your room, Johnny, and think about how

you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike

for your birthday." Little Johnny stomped over to his room and

sat down to write God a letter.



Letter 1:

Dear God,

I have been more...

A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.
A beer won't expect you to cook dinner when you're not hungry.
A beer doesn't care if you go shopping.
A beer doesn't mind when your mother visits
A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less complaining.
A beer won't tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.
If a beer had a sports car, it wouldn't love it more than you.
A beer doesn't sulk.
A beer doesn't have to sleep wiht the windows open.
A beer doesn't snore.
A beer can't interrupt.
A beer doesn't care that you can't find your car's carburetor.
A beer doesn't care that you don't balance your checkbook.
A good beer is easy to find.
A beer doesn't have friends who will drink your beer.
A beer wouldn't yell if you dented the car.
A beer won't get jealous if you enjoy another beer.
A beer won't care if you gain five pounds.
A beer doesn't want children.
If the beer is finished before you are, you can have more...

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice.
Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.
It was getting worse and worse till finally he had to excuse himself from the state dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end and this made him feel even worse. By more...

There Were 2 Friends Santa And Banta They Lived In Same Building. . Santa Stayed On 10th Floor And Banta Stayed On Groundfloor. ....... After Some Days Santa And Banta Quareled With Each Other And They Were Angry With Each Other. ........... Santa Thaught I Shall Call Banta At Dinner And Be His Friend Again So He Called Banta On Dinner. .... The Day On Which The Santa Called Banta At Dinner That Day Lift Was Out Of Order So Banta Climbed The Ladder And Went Up When He Reached Santas House At His Door There Was Written Oye Banta I Fooled U. ..... Now The Banta Sing Was Angry And He Wrote There Oye I Not Came Up

The after dinner speaker was droning on and on and on, bring everyone to tears. One of the guests, fighting to keep his drooping eyelids open, turned to the lady on his right and said, "Can nothing be done to shut him up?"
"If there is I`d like to know," said the lady, "”I`m his wife and I`ve been trying to shut him up for thirty years!"