Disciple Jokes

One mahatma, a famous saint, died -- must have been someone like Muktananda. One of his supporters died the next day. When the disciple reached heaven, the first thing that he was interested in was, "Where is our guru, our Muktananda? He must be enjoying -- he must have been given all the joys that only heaven can provide."
And then suddenly he saw Muktananda underneath a beautiful tree... with whom, do you know? -- with Sophia Loren! Sophia Loren sitting in his lap, both naked, hugging each other! The disciple fell at the feet of Muktananda.
He said, "Guru Deva, O grand Master, I always knew that you were the greatest master; now I am seeing with my own eyes. God is so happy with you, he has given you Sophia Loren as a reward!"
Muktananda looked very angrily at the gentleman and said, "You fool, stop talking nonsense! You don't understand a thing. She is not my prize I am her punishment!"

A disciple went to his Guru asking for tips to attain enlightenment. The Guru advised,' Take a mala (rosary) and go up into the Himalayas and meditate.' The disciple went away.
Several months later, the Guru paid him a visit and asked,' How do you like it up here in the snows?'
'Just fine,' replied the disciple.
'And what about the weather? Don't you freeze?'
'As long as I have my mala and my chillum (bowl full of tobacco), I don't care how cold it is.'
'I am glad to hear it. Can I also have a chillum for myself right now,' asked the Guru, shivering with cold.
'Why not!' said the disciple.' Mala! Would you bring us two chillumsl'