Loren Jokes

One mahatma, a famous saint, died -- must have been someone like Muktananda. One of his supporters died the next day. When the disciple reached heaven, the first thing that he was interested in was, "Where is our guru, our Muktananda? He must be enjoying -- he must have been given all the joys that only heaven can provide."
And then suddenly he saw Muktananda underneath a beautiful tree... with whom, do you know? -- with Sophia Loren! Sophia Loren sitting in his lap, both naked, hugging each other! The disciple fell at the feet of Muktananda.
He said, "Guru Deva, O grand Master, I always knew that you were the greatest master; now I am seeing with my own eyes. God is so happy with you, he has given you Sophia Loren as a reward!"
Muktananda looked very angrily at the gentleman and said, "You fool, stop talking nonsense! You don't understand a thing. She is not my prize I am her punishment!"

Three nuns die and go to heaven. They are met at the pearly gates by St.
Peter, who tells them they led such good lives they will be permitted to
return to earth as anyone they want.
The first nun thinks it over and says
"I'd like to return as Sophia Loren."
St. Peter says "Fine, you can return as Sophia Loren."
The second nun thinks and says "I'd like to be Gina Lollabrigida."
St. Peter says "No problem, you can return as Gina Lollabrigida."
The third nun says "I think I'd like to be Virginia Pipeline."
St. Peter says, "Hmmm, I don't think I know of anyone named Virginia
Pipeline."
At which point the third nun shows him the headline from the morning
paper: "Virginia Pipeline Laid by 25 Men"

Three nuns die and go to heaven. They are met at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who tells them they led such good lives they will be permitted to return to earth as anyone they want.The first nun thinks it over and says "I'd like to return as Sophia Loren."St. Peter says "Fine, you can return as Sophia Loren."The second nun thinks and says "I'd like to be Gina Lollobrigida."St. Peter says "No problem, you can return as Gina Lollobrigida."The third nun says "I think I'd like to be Virginia Pipeline."St. Peter says, "Hmmm, I don't think I know of anyone named Virginia Pipeline?"At which point the third nun shows him the headline from the morning paper: "Virginia Pipeline Laid by 25 Men"

Laurel and Loren finally had three children before they stopped. Liberal as they were, they knew that one in every four babies born is Chinese, and they only wanted American children.