Disclaimers Jokes

Legal disclaimers and warnings are often important, because they point out things that may not be immediately obvious, limiting legal liability for mishaps. But, some statements really make you wonder...



On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.



On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.



On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.



On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.



On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.



In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)



On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids LIE more...

What if Physicists wrote product disclaimers instead of lawyers?
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WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "uncertainty principle," it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but non-zero chance that, through a process more...