Discovered Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ive just discovered a method for making wool out of milk! But doesnt that make the cow feel a little sheepish?

I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa. She is half discovered, half wild.
Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America. Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan. Very hot, wise and beautiful.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France. She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany. She lost the war but not the hope.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future.

A foreman at Pennsylvania's Brendle Farms discovered a 4-legged chicken among the 36,000 on the farm. "Sometimes I count their feet and divide by two, but it just wasn't adding up right this time," said the foreman.
Mark Brendle, owner of the farm abutting Three Mile Island nuclear power plant, was excited about the discovery. "We'll put it next to the two-headed duck and the pig with five sets of teats," he said.

WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
YOU WRITE:
"Probably the greatest quality of the
poetry of John Milton, who was born in
1608, is the combination of beauty and
power. Few have excelled him in the use
of the English language, or for that
matter, in lucidity of verse form,
' Paradise Lost' being said to be the
greatest single poem ever written."
John Milton--born 1608
"When Lafayette first came to this
country, he discovered America. The
Americans needed his help if their
cause was to survive, and this he
promptly supplied them."
Lafayette discovered America
"Current historians have come to doubt
the complete advantageousness of some
of Roosevelt's policies"
Most of the problems that now face
the United States are directly
traceable to the bungling and greed
of President Roosevelt.
"... it is possible that we do not
understand the more...

A man come into the ER yelling, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady's dress, and just finishes jerking off her underwear when he suddenly discovers that there are several cabs lined up, and it's obvious that he's in the wrong one.
A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's chest wall. "Big breaths," instructed the nurse. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news and I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he died from a "massive internal fart."
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your more...

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by up to 90%. - Its called wedding cake.