Discovered Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She
is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland
around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan.
Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade
especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot,
relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She
may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm
and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost
the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now
necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide,
quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the more...
Q. Do you know what the FBI discovered the stains on Monica's dress actually were?
A. A wad of Bill's.
I've recently discovered that I can predict the future. You'd think I would've seen that coming
The following story is said to be true:
More than two centuries ago a famous astronomer Charles Messier lived in France. He was a keen comet hunter, he discovered many of them. (The astronomers know Messier's catalogue of nebulous objects which is still used.) He had a competitor (also French) who also discovered a lot of comets.
One night Messier could not go to his observatory as his wife was dying. Two things happened during the night: Messier's competitor managed to discover a new comet and Messier's wife died.
When Messier's friends got to know of the death of Mrs Messier they came to express their sympathy to the astronomer who replied: "It is a great loss for me. And imagine that on the top of it my wife is dead."
Researchers discovered twins who are identical on their mom's side, but share only half their genes from dad.
The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world" there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said "May I have one of those? " The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of those bastards? " Without a pause, she said, "Yeah! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to' em too."