Discovered Jokes / Recent Jokes

"First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be." -- Jacques Futrelle, "The Problem of Cell 13"Most mathematicians are familiar with -- or have at least seen references in the literature to -- the equation 2 + 2 = 4. However, the less well known equation 2 + 2 = 5 also has a rich, complex history behind it. Like any other complex quantitiy, this history has a real part and an imaginary part; we shall deal exclusively with the latter here. Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes. They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope more...

Subject: -What software version are you running?

I`m currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I`ve been having some problems lately.

I`ve been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1. 0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I`ve tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that Drinking Buddies won`t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off.

But I`m embarrassed to say I can`t find the switch to turn the sound off.

I just run them separately, and it works okay.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1. 0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2. 0.

After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with more...

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of...
THE CLINTON Virus...
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus...
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus...
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus...
(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus...
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus...
(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...
(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus...
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...
(Only attacks minor files)
THE more...

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of...
THE CLINTON Virus....
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus...
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus....
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus....
(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....
(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...
(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus....
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...
(Only attacks minor files)
THE more...

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.Beware of...THE CLINTON Virus....(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)THE RONALD REAGAN virus....(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)THE MIKE TYSON virus....(Quits after two bytes)THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....(Deletes all old files)THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...(Disks can no longer be inserted)THE PROZAC virus....(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks minor files)THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)...and last but not least...THE more...

New Chemical Element Discovered The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered byinvestigators at a major U. S. research university. The element, tentativelynamed administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomicnumber of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic massof 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves thecontinuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can bedetected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes onereaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normallyoccurred in less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at whichtime it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in more...

My Dear Husband, I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him. Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out. I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson, the department head, has taken an more...