Disk Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top 50+ Geek T-Shirt slogans1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extrememly large values of2.5. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.6. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.8. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN9. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL10. <
The information went data way---11. Best file compression around: "DEL . " = 100% compression12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding14. The name is Baud... James Baud.15. BUFFERS FILES_ 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 16. Access denied
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking Icons put your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted' cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash. If the label on your cable on the gable at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are a wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,' Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on this disk And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary more...
Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Lines, and no Question Seems to be Too Basic From the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, March 1, 1994. Reprinted without permission AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't gether new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked thewoman what happened when she pushed the power button. "I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," thewoman replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the womansaid, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "footpedal," it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated devicethat helps to control the computer's operations.[boring stuff deleted] Only two years ago, most calls to PC help lines came from techiesneeding help on complex problems. But now, with computer sales to homesexploding as new "multimedia" functions more...
Hold mouse up to ear like a cell phone and yell "I can't hear you!!! You're going to have to speak louder!"Play Pac Man and state to person next to you, "These new games are incredible!"Practice 'spinning mouse mat on index finger' globe trotter routine.Put your monitor's contrast and brightness on full. With wide open eyes yell "It's going to implode!"Tell the cashier you wish to redeem your free 1000 hours and hand him a bag full of collected AOL promo CD's.Typing hard and loudly looking behind you yell, "STOP MAKING ME TYPE THIS - IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE!"Sit at the web terminal... without a chair.Wheel your leather executive chair into Internet cafe and up to the computer with the largest monitor. Sit down, turn to the person next to you handing them a stack of papers, "Get these photocopied right away, the president wants them by end of day."
Casually look around the room for people in chat rooms, log into the same chat more...
Case Report:
Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's Syndrome
Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no. 1, December 1997
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M. D.
On January 2, 1997, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise. The patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress, although his demeanor was jolly. He attributed these symptoms to being "not as young as I used to be, HO! HO! HO!", but thought he should have them checked out. The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on December 25th, to many people worldwide. He flies in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys. He has performed this work for as long as he can remember. Upon examination and more...
Newsflash
Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to "Moft" -- which will clear up space on user's hard disks. It is estimated that a typical Windows 95 installation contains about 2, 800, 000 copies of the word "Microsoft", in copyright notices, end-user licence agreements,' About' screens, etc. So, after the change, a user will have about 14 MBytes more disk space. Stock prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after the announcement.
"Well, the programs will take up less space on the user's disk," said Bill Gates, CEO of Moft. "But we have never cared about that. The change will allow us to ship Windows 95 on 13 disks instead of 14, thus saving about $50 million a year in media costs. We are also looking at shortening the names of some of our software products; for instance' The Microsoft Exchange' may be changed to' The Moft Pit'.
Gates added that the junior programmer who discovered more...