Divorce Jokes / Recent Jokes
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
Q: Whats the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
On a visit to The Ellen DeGeneres show, Robin Williams said that he and his estranged wife are proceeding with their divorce in a civil manner. The couple has three children – Zelda, 18, Cody, 16, and Robin, 56.
Reality show stars Jon and Kate Gosselin of TLC's "Jon & Kate plus 8" are finally getting a divorce after months of feuding.
There will be a new reality show to cover the divorce proceedings, to be called "Jon & Kate plus 8 Jewish attorneys."
A comely redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him, even though he was a married man.
"Oh, sweetie," she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial, "isn't there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?"
Taking her by the shoulders, the lawyer proceeded to scold her for her lack of discretion and good judgment. "Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried meetings in sordid motels rooms - is that really what you want for us?"
"No. .. no. .." she sobbed, heartsick.
"Oh," said the lawyer, "Well, it was just a suggestion."
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that! What's the big deal about a two-story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is...**I have a headache** and the other story is **It's that time of the month!** "
Former Beatle, Paul McCartney and soon to be ex-wife/ hopscotch enthusiast, Heather Mills have hired the same divorce lawyers that handled the Chuck and Di divorce. McCartney, even offered the former escort a settlement of $50,000,000. He said it was just enough to give her a leg up and back on her foot.