Divorce Jokes / Recent Jokes

Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party andsneered, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was inlove and didnt really notice."

Did you hear Mickey and Minnie Mouse are going to court for a divorce? When the judge asked why they were getting a divorse Mickey said because Minnie was crazy. The judge told him that that was no reason to get a divorse, but Mickey said, "No, you don't understand. She's FUCKING GOOFY!!!!"

"Well, Mrs. OConnor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. OConnor. "Shure now, we have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. OConnor, looking puzzled. "Oim always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "What Im trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. OConnor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. "What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure its because the man cant hold an intelligent conversation."

What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

There was a lady who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late! ”

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for him. They got married - and now she is going through HELL!

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating more...

Q:What is the difference between a redneck divorce and a tornado?

A: Nothing. You're gonna lose the trailer either way!

Divorce is bachelorhood, with strings attached... Tis better to have loved and lost.... than have to live with the bitch the rest of my life. What do you call a woman without an asshole? Divorced. My ex-wife is like a good laxative... she irritates the shit out of you. Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. Divorce is having your genitals torn off through your wallet. - Robin WilliamsLove is grand. Divorce is at least 20 grand. When I got divorced, my wife and I split the house. I got the outside and she got the inside. Of all the new weight loss programs and exercise videos available, divorce is still the most effective. Where else can you get rid of 205 pounds in a quick 90 days. Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. - Ambrose PierceWhen does a woman stop masturbating? After the divorce is finalized. Says Jim after the divorce was finally settled - "Eh, I didn't care for some of her habits... I mean, she was a slob! Every time I went to more...

Regardless of what you may hear, theres still many women these dayswho are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.