Divorce Jokes / Recent Jokes
What does a Redneck divorce and a tornado have in common, No matter what somebody's losing trailer
In addition to spousal support and a share of her husband’s Hollywood earnings, Robyn Gibson is seeking jewelry in the divorce settlement. However, Mel Gibson filed a response in which he said he would not give up his Hitler-Gibson BFF Diamond nameplate.
Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power. .
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & more...
A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”
“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”
“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.
“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card-it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”
The mother is more...
A woman went to an attorney, seeking advice on a divorce.
"Do you have grounds, Madam?" the lawyer asked.
"Oh yes. More than I need. I have over six acres."
"I guess you didn`t understand my question.
Let me put it another way. Do you have a grudge?"
"No, but we have a parking space," she replied.
"I`ll try to be more explicit, Ma`am,"
said the attorney. "Does your husband beat you up?"
"No, usually I get up long before he does."
Losing patience, the attorney asked,
"Are you quite sure, absolutely sure,
that you want a divorce?"
"I`m not the one who wants a divorce," she replied.
"My husband does. He claims we don`t communicate."
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to
his client.“Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.”“Fair to both?!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?”
Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was in love and didn't really notice."