Dizzy Jokes

How many beers does it take to make you dizzy?" he asked. "Four or five," she retorted, "and don't call me dizzy!"

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite
A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
superman cape
It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already
too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A more...

- 10 -
"The Gingrich That Stole Christmas"
- 9 -
"Rush Limbaugh Eats a Reindeer"
- 8 -
"Bob Hope's Dizzy Dizzy Christmas"
- 7 -
"Frothy the Runny-Nosed Snow Monkey"
- 6 -
"Richard Simmons Sweatin' with Elves"
- 5 -
"Harvey Fierstein's Hanukkah on Fire Island"
- 4 -
"Van Damme Kick-Boxes Santa to Death"
- 3 -
"The Dave Letterman Christmas Spectacular"
- 2 -
"Joycelyn Elders' Mistletoe-For-One Special"
- 1 -
"Teddy the Red-Nosed Kennedy"

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous mother. Things I've learned from my children (honest no kidding): 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the more...

Some things I've learned from my children: Super glue "is" forever. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters "do not like Jell-O!"A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop abaseball hit by a ceiling fan. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. VCR's do not more...