Dizzy Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many beers does it take to make you dizzy?" he asked. "Four or five," she retorted, "and don't call me dizzy!"

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite

A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
superman cape

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already
too late.

Brake more...

There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's alreadytoo late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36year old man says more...

Some things I've learned from my children: Super glue "is" forever. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters "do not like Jell-O!"A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop abaseball hit by a ceiling fan. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. VCR's do not more...

- 10 -
"The Gingrich That Stole Christmas"
- 9 -
"Rush Limbaugh Eats a Reindeer"
- 8 -
"Bob Hope's Dizzy Dizzy Christmas"
- 7 -
"Frothy the Runny-Nosed Snow Monkey"
- 6 -
"Richard Simmons Sweatin' with Elves"
- 5 -
"Harvey Fierstein's Hanukkah on Fire Island"
- 4 -
"Van Damme Kick-Boxes Santa to Death"
- 3 -
"The Dave Letterman Christmas Spectacular"
- 2 -
"Joycelyn Elders' Mistletoe-For-One Special"
- 1 -
"Teddy the Red-Nosed Kennedy"