Dojo Jokes / Recent Jokes

Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt

Master of Judo

Well before testing for this rank any experienced Judo teacher should have already learned these basic techniques:

Escape from Dojo

The quick exit to avoid clean up and helping with the mats.

Sleeper Stance

Standing at the corner of the dojo pretending to be observing the students as they sweat with exhaustion.

Sigh of Wisdom

Sudden, forceful exhalation when a beginning student unexpectedly survives a dangerous body slam without injury.

Crossing Fingers

A hopeful posture used when uke has been choked unconscious.

Gift of Instruction

The act of taking credit whenever a student wins a tournament or performs a technique correctly.

Seeing Without Seeing

The dazed look of amazement given to the student who asks a stupid question.

Kuchi Waza (mouth more...

13. Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target. 12. First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully. 11. Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector. 10. The "gis" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese. 9. The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie. 8. The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges. 7. Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys. 6. Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor. 5. Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end. 4. Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!" 3. You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on. 2. Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the more...

Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt Master of Judo Well before testing for this rank any experienced Judo teacher should have already learned these basic techniques: Escape from DojoThe quick exit to avoid clean up and helping with the mats. Sleeper StanceStanding at the corner of the dojo pretending to be observing the students as they sweat with exhaustion. Sigh of WisdomSudden, forceful exhalation when a beginning student unexpectedly survives a dangerous body slam without injury. Crossing FingersA hopeful posture used when uke has been choked unconscious. Gift of InstructionThe act of taking credit whenever a student wins a tournament or performs a technique correctly. Seeing Without SeeingThe dazed look of amazement given to the student who asks a stupid question. Kuchi Waza (mouth technique)Using an hour of class time to answer the stupid question while students sit on their knees in seiza. Mugger's DefenseOffering to lighten the student's wallet to reduce the risk of more...

Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt Master of Judo Well before testing for this rank any experienced Judo teacher should have already learned these basic techniques: Escape from DojoThe quick exit to avoid clean up and helping with the mats. Sleeper StanceStanding at the corner of the dojo pretending to be observing the students as they sweat with exhaustion. Sigh of WisdomSudden, forceful exhalation when a beginning student unexpectedly survives a dangerous body slam without injury. Crossing FingersA hopeful posture used when uke has been choked unconscious. Gift of InstructionThe act of taking credit whenever a student wins a tournament or performs a technique correctly. Seeing Without SeeingThe dazed look of amazement given to the student who asks a stupid question. Kuchi Waza (mouth technique)Using an hour of class time to answer the stupid question while students sit on their knees in seiza. Mugger's DefenseOffering to lighten the student's wallet to reduce the risk of more...