Dollar Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two sister, a blonde and a brunnete own a ranch and decide that they want a bull. so the brunnete takes the car to go look at a bull. And she tells her sister that if she decides to the buy the bull that she would send a telogram telling her to come get the bull with the trailer.
So when the brunnete leaves she takes 500 dollars. After carefully loking over the bull she decides to buy it for 499 dollars.
Once she gets to the telogram office the man tells her that if she sends a telogram it will cost 1 dollar per word. she only has one dollar left. the girl thinks and she thinks and finally she tells the man that she wants to send the world comfortable.
when she tells the man he askes her how that will explain her situation.
The brunnete says "My sister is blonde, and she reads very slow; Com-for-da-bull.

'I can't find my dollar bill,' Jane sobbed.' Don't worry,' her Counselor said.' A dollar doesn't go very far today.'

One day a guy hired somebody named Artir to choke his wife. Artie charged a dollar. So he chokes the wife. The mother-in-law walkes in, so he chokes the mother-in-law. Then the cop walks in so he chokes her too.
What was the headline in the newspaper?
ArtiChokes 3 for a dollar.

A horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper.

The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the horse, who proffers a ten dollar bill for it. Now the barman figures the horse isn't that bright, so he decides to pull the old' short-change' trick on him. He duly goes back to the horse with 1 dollar. The horse doesn't say a word.


The horse eventually finishes his beer and goes up to the bar to order another. Says the bartender to him, "Y'know, we don't get many horses in here."

To which the horse replies, "At nine dollars a beer, I'm not surprised!"

A blonde was standing in front of a vending machine. She put in a dollar, pushed a button and a coke came out. She put in another dollar, pushed a different button and an iced tea came out. The blonde kept doing this, until the man behind her became impatient. "Excuse me, can I just get a drink, THEN you can continue whatever you're doing???" "No way!" exclaimed the blonde. "I'm not giving up this machine when I'm winning!"

Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of Exercises to get you prepared:

16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now.

11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one more...

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carryingthe mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When hearrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole familythere, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his waywith a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a boxof fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection ofterrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful womanin a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through thedoor (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroomwhere she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. more...