Done Jokes / Recent Jokes
A father was explaining the facts of life to his son. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of love-making:
Dad: One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different women say different things during the act, even if you are doing the same thing.
Son: What do you mean, Dad?
F: Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you done yet?" On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are you done already?"
S: What do other women say?
F: Well, a school teacher will say, "We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit."
S: I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend over."
F: That's male nurses. Moving on, a bank teller will say, "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal." A stewardess will say, "Place this over your mouth and more...
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is, to have a compulsion like this."
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My Brother and my Wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get."
The man wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the more...
Part 7 - (Real Programmer at Play)
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Genrally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works - with computers. He is constantly amazed
that his employer actually pays him to do what he would do for fun anyway (although he is careful not to
express this opinion loud). Ocassionally, the Real Programmer does step out of the office for a breath of
fresh air and a beer or two. Some tips on recognizing Real Programmers away from the computer room.
- At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner talking about operating system security
and how to get around it.
- At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing the plays against his simulations printed
on 11x14 fanfold paper.
- At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts in the sand.
- At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor George. And he almost had the sort routine
working before more...
And God created woman and she had three breasts. God then asked the woman, "Is there anything you would like to have changed?"
"Yes," the woman replied. "Could you get rid of this middle breast?"
And so it was done.
Holding the third breast in her hand, the woman exclaimed, "What can be done with this useless boob?"
And God created man.
teacher says to class," l want you to put contagious in a sentance ".mary puts her hand up and the teacher nods mary says "my little brother had measles and mom said you may catch them because they are contagious ".very good the teacher says, bobby puts his hand up and replies "mumps can also be contagious ", teacher says well done so not to be out done liitle johnny pipes up " me and dad where driving down the road when a truck loaded full of watermellons drove past and just as it passed it blew a tyre and rolled and dad turned to johnny and said thatll take that contagious to pick them up
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."