Done Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cropp`s Law: The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Bo Diddeley`s Observation On The Law: Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him.

Bolub`s Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Deadline-Dan`s Demo Demonstration: The higher the "higher-ups" are who`ve come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.

Demian`s Observation: There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read "Abandon hope all ye who enter here".

DeVries`s Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don`t want hits the paper.

Dr. Caligari`s Comeback: A bad sector disk error occurs only after you`ve done several hours of work without performing a backup.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.

Women should not have children after 35. Really…35 children are enough Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. Save Your Breath… You’ll need it to blow up your date! I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been giving me lately! “No one ever says “It’s only a game, ” when their team is winning. ” I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: “CHECKOUT TIME IS 18? “If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway? ” “How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America? ” Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was…surrounded by trees and bushes.

We're off to see the wizard....

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I. .. think I need a brain".

"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"

Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."

"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."

Then there is a great silence in the hall. more...

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute thinks, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho thinks, "Are you done already?"
The blonde thinks, "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"The nympho says, "Are you done already?"The blonde says, "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

WINDERS 98
MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = more...