Donkey Jokes / Recent Jokes

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he could improve his public speaking skills. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a little sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the begining of the serman, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door, with the monsignor's comments about this second sermon:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and Spook
8. David more...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:
Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say more...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
9. When David was hit by a more...

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to
commit suicide. Let's see now...
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No baseball
No football
No hockey
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Wal-Mart
No Home Depot
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No gumbo
No jambalaya
No Beer
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smellof donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses
and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
But your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they more...

A man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink.
He then notices a Jar that is full of money. The man asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender then says that he has a donkey in the back room and if anyone can make him him laugh they win the money. If not they owe me 100 dollars.
The man say I can do it!
So he goes into the back room and about 5 minutes later the bartender hears the donkey laughing out loud. The man walks out and takes the money from the jar, thanks the bartender, and leaves.
About a month later the man comes back into the bar and there is a new jar of money. The man asks the bartender what the new jar of money is for.
The bartender looks at the man and says if you can make the donkey cry the money is yours, if not you owe me 100 dollars. The man says ok I'll do it!
He walks into the back room and about 2 minutes has goes by when the bartender hears the donkey crying. The man walks out and grabs the money out of the jar, but more...

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit
suicide.
Let's see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No
baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate
Parties, No Home Depot.
No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even
frozen fish sticks, No Gumbo, No Jambalaya.
More than one wife.
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are
no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy up in the tower.
No chocolate cookies. No Christmas.
You can't shave. Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey being cooked over
burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey,
but your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die more...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So, next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got so nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door.
1. Sip the vodka; don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not beat his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late JC.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the crap out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock more...