Racing Jokes

You'll never see a woman driving in Formula 1. It's not the Racing thats the problem, it's parking when they come into the pits.

(Heard on radio station CHNS, Halifax.)
There was a young fellow who was quite inventive and
was always trying out new things. One day he thought
he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it
became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned
an old Mustang, if he could tie his bike to the bumper
of his car to test his theory. His friend said,
"Sure."
So the young man tied his bike to the back of the car
and said to his friend:
"I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go
faster, twice if I want you maintain speed, and
repeatedly if I want you to slow down."
With that, off they went. Things were going pretty
well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well
over 60 mph. The young fellow on the bike was handling
the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, a black
Corvette came up beside them and before you knew it
the fellow driving the Mustang forgot all about more...

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church,
and being told there was a fortune in horse
racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter
it in the races. However, at the local auction,
the going price for horses was so high that the
preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher
figured, since he bought the animal, he might as
well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey
did quite well and came in third place. The next
day, the racing sheets carried this headline: Preacher Shows AssThe preacher was so pleased with the donkey that
he entered it in the races again, and this time
the animal won first place. The paper said: Preacher's Ass Out In FrontThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the preacher not to
enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper
printed this headline: Bishop Scratches Preacher's AssThis was too much for the Bishop and he ordered
the preacher to get rid of the more...

Banta was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned an old Maruti, if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory.
His friend said, "Sure."
So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend, "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down."
With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph. Banta was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing the Honda.
A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars more...

ACURA
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
AMC
All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Morons Car
Another Major Catastrophe
AUDI
Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Break My Windshield
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Barely Moving Wreck
Big Money Waste
Big Money. Why?
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring More Wrenches
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical more...