Donkey Jokes / Recent Jokes

one day there was a donkey who was walking to a bar on the way people said to him
"you look like an ass"
"you smell"
when the donkey got into the bar the bartender said
"why the long face?"

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:
1) Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as "the late J. C."
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Daddy, Junior, and Spook."
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When more...

If a donkey is an ass and a sheep is a ram, how come a ram in the ass is
a goose?

A guy with a donkey walked up to a psychic and asked about his future.
The psychic said, "when your donkey farts 3 times you will die."
So the man walked along with his donkey and the donkey farted.
The man said" Oh no donkey you mustn't fart again".
So they kept on walking and the donkey farted again.
The man said "I can't take another chance with this".
So the man then shoved a cork up the donkey's buttocks. Then the man felt relieved so they continued walking. The donkey farted yet again, sending the cork flying. The cork hit the man's head with such speed that he was killed instantly.

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance: A dog, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The President of their Society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, "This looks like a dog. We can judge that this was a highly intelligent race as they knew how to have animals for companionship. To prove this statement you can see that the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were even smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of more...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he
could hardly speak. After mass he asked the
monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about
getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka
next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I
take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and
took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found
the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not
referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he more...

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
"Anywhere I go, she goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.
''One thousand dollars for the food.''
''But I haven't touched more...