Donkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in a race. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured, however, that since he had it he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, in the first race his mule came in second. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWSThe preacher was so pleased that he entered the mule in another race. This time it won and the paper said: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONTThe bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASSThis was too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher gave it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headline the next day said: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWNThe more...
A new priest at his frist mass was so nervous he could heardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office he found the following note on the door. 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not get his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J. C. and the boys. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off more...
Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub and Fred gets the first pint in and says, "I'll have a pint for me and a pint for Donkey."
The two guys drink their pints and Fred says, "Right donkey your round; I'll have a pint of Guiness."
Donkey walks up to the bar and says, "2 p p p p pints of g g g g Guiness p p p please."
While donkey gets the pints, Fred goes to the toilet and the barman says, "Say, you shouldn't let him call you that stupid nickname."
Donkey replies, "I know. He aw.. he aww... he awwwwww, he always calls me 'Donkey.'"
A guy with a donkey walked up to a psychic and asked about his future.
The psychic said, "when your donkey farts 3 times you will die."
So the man walked along with his donkey and the donkey farted.
The man said" Oh no donkey you mustn't fart again".
So they kept on walking and the donkey farted again.
The man said "I can't take another chance with this".
So the man then shoved a cork up the donkey's buttocks. Then the man felt relieved so they continued walking. The donkey farted yet again, sending the cork flying. The cork hit the man's head with such speed that he was killed instantly.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!
A Texan preacher wanted to raise some money for his church; hearing that there was a lot of money in horse racing, he decided to purchase horse. However, horses proved to be too expensive for his small budget, so he ended up buying a donkey instead. Figuring he had nothing to lose, the preacher decided to enter the donkey in the horse race, in which, to his astonishment, the donkey came in second place! The next day's headlines in the Daily Racing Form read:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
Encouraged by the donkey's strong beginning, the preacher entered the donkey in the races again. This time the donkey won, inspiring the headline,
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
Meanwhile, the bishop had gotten word of these outrageous headlines and decided that this kind of publicity was not good for his parish. So, he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. Next day the headlines read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
Needless to say, the bishop was not more...