Door Jokes / Recent Jokes

60 above
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Canada sunbathe
50 above:
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in Canada plant gardens.
40 above:
Italian cars won't start.
Canadians drive with the windows down.
32 above:
Distilled water freezes.
The Saskatchewan River water gets thicker.
20 above:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
15 above:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Canadians throw on a sweatshirt.
-0 -
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Canada lick the flagpole.
20 below:
People in Miami cease to exist.
Canadians get out their winter coats.
40 below:
Hollywood disintegrates.
Canada's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
60 below:
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets more...

An eager, but less than bright, young entrepreneur decides to
go into the painting business. So he wanders into the rich part
of town, paint brush in hand, and knocks at the door of a
large house.
"Good day, sir. I was wondering if you had any painting you
need done."
The owner of the house, a rich man by any standard, looks
speculatively at the painter. He perceives a vibrant
entrepreneurial spirit, which reminds him of his own ambition
in his younger days.
"Hmmm. Yes, I think my porch needs a coat or two of paint."
The eager young painter rushes off around the side of the house...
Several hours later, he returns to the front door, his clothes
dripping paint, and knocks again.
"Sir, I've finished! But I have to tell you, that wasn't a porch, it
was a Ferarri."

Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled.The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was more...

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says,
"We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"
The four open the door and look out below.
The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

Three engineers and threeaccountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountantseach buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see,"answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seatsbut all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train hasdeparted, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom doorand says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emergeswith a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy theengineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). Whenthey get to the station they buy a single more...

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows
for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids more...

A lawyer parked at the side of the road, and opened the door of his BMW. Suddenly, a speeding car appeared from nowhere, hitting the door and ripping it off of his car. The lawyer was outraged.
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer whined, "Officer, look what that person did to my Beemer! You have to find him and arrest him!"
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick," the officer snapped. "You're so upset about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off in the accident."
"Oh my God....", gasped the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody stump where his arm had been. "My Rolex!"