Door Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two nuns were asked by the Mother Superior to decorate the inside of the monastery, but under no cicumstances were they to get even one drop of paint on their habits. After an hour of really slow going, one nun says "This is far too slow. Why don't we take off our clothes, finish decorating, then re-dress again? No-one will know..." And that's exactly what they did.
But before long there came a knock at the front door so, quite startled, the first nun calls "Who is it?"
"I'm the blind man" came the reply. So the nuns relax and the first goes off and opens the door.
"Wow, great body lady! Now where do you want these blinds...?"

Edna hears the car drive up, then a loud clatter as it hits the garbage cans. Car door slams, some cussing, then the garage door opens, slams. Suddenly more crashing and clattering and cussing, then Pete enters the house with his golf clubs, cussing and scowling.
"What's wrong, dear? Did you have a bad day on the golf course?" Edna asked.
"Yeah, what a rotten day! What a lousy round of golf! Pete groaned. "I only hit two good balls all day, and I wouldn't have hit them if I hadn't stepped on the rake in the garage!"

This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala and even though it sounds like something out of the X-Files or from an Alfred Hitchcock movie... it's real! This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
Even though there's no one in the front seat and no more...

This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration more...

A grown grandson is going to visit his grandmother who had recently moved to an apartment complex, so he phones her to get directions to her unit.
"I'm in apartment 908. When you come to the front door of the complex you'll see a large panel at the door. With your elbow, push button 908. Then I'll buzz you in. Enter the lobby and go to the elevator which is on the left. Get in the elevator and with your elbow, push button 9. When you get out of the elevator, look for door number 908 on the right. With your elbow, press my doorbell."
"That all sounds very easy, Grandma," says the grandson, "but why am I pressing all these buttons with my elbow?"
"You're coming empty-handed?"

Best read with a Japanese accent: Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door. A Japanese delivery man is clutching a clipboard, pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and yelling, "You sign, you sign!" The bewildered president will do no such thing and slams the door. The next day, the man is back, waving a clipboard under the great man's nose, gesturing to a truckload of brake pads and insisting, "You sign, you sign!" Nelson gets rid of the man again, but next day he's back with two truckloads of car parts, once again insisting that the president sign for the goods. Mandela loses his temper and yells, "Look, I don't want these. Do you understand? You have the wrong person." Puzzled, the Japanese man consults his clipboard and asks, "Ah soh. You not Nissan Maindealer?"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are walking through the desert. The redhead brought a bottle of water, the brunette brought a sandwich, and the blonde brought a car door.
When they ask the redhead why she brought the water, she replies"If i get thirsty, i can take a drink."
When they ask the brunette why she brought the sandwich, she replies"If i get hungry, then i can eat it."
When they ask the blonde why she brought the car door, she replies"If i get hot, i can roll down the window."