Doors Jokes / Recent Jokes

In Prison:
You spend your time in an 8 x 10 cell
At Work:
You spend your time in an 6 x 8 cubicle
In Prison:
You get three free meals a day
At Work:
You get one break for a meal you pay for
In Prison:
A guard locks and unlocks all doors for you
At Work:
You carry a security card, you unlock the doors
In Prison:
You get to watch TV and play games
At Work:
You get fired for watching TV and playing games
In Prison:
You get your own toilet
At Work:
You have to share
In Prison:
Family and friends are allowed to visit
At Work:
You're not allowed to speak to family or friends
In Prison:
Expenses are paid by taxpayers and work is not required
At Work:
You pay to go to work and you get to deduct expenses
on your taxes to pay for prisoners
In Prison:
You look through the bars, hoping to get out
At Work:
You want to get out so you can go inside the bars
In more...

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says' Do Not Disturb'!"

1. Blow out a huge depressed fart and blame it on the person next to you out loud.
2. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
3. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
4. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Show other passengers a rash on your genitals and ask if it looks infected.
7. Leave a box between the doors.
8. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
9. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask 'is that your beeper?'
10. Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons.

A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery."You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?""What's the difference?" asked the jeweller."Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears.""Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweller. "He had a stocking over his head."

Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather.

Tired of being a golf widow, a woman took up the game and wound up playing with her husband on a country course one day. He hit his drive way off into the rough, behind a barn. She came over to take a look, surveyed the situation, and suggested that if he opened both barn doors he could hit his ball straight through the barn to the green.
He saw this as an excellent idea, complimented her for her suggestion, then opened the doors and stepped up to the ball. He made a swing and great contact. Unfortunately, the ball was off line, careened off the door frame, hit the wife in the head and killed her.
Years went by, the man finally remarried, and this time found himself a golfer for a wife. Incredibly, the same situation occurs. The man is in the rough behind the same barn. His new wife took a look at his ball and suggested that he could make the green if he opened both barn doors and hit through the barn.
"No way," he replied. "I can't do more...

There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself."Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, weve never once had an accountant make it this far and were not really sure what to do with you.""No problem, just let me in." said the accountant. "Well, Id like to, but I have higher orders. What were going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. " "Actually, I think Ive made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven" "Sorry, we have rules..."And more...