Doors Jokes / Recent Jokes

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell,' 'I need some tampons!!''
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible' 'Sex and Candy''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,' 'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to' '10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say,' 'Hi! I more...

A married couple was on a golf course, as the woman was cadding for her husband. The man tees up and shanks the ball way off course and it lands next to the clubhouse. The woman quickly observes that' if you open the clubhouse front doors, and I hold open the back doors, you can easily chip it right onto the green'. The man thinks about for a bit, and agrees it is a possible shot. So he lines up the shot, and chips it. Bang. It hit his wife right in the head and she dropped dead. A few years go by, and he's up at the same tee with his new girlfriend cadding for him. He again Shanks the ball next to the clubhouse, and she notices that if she holds the back doors open it would be an easy chip to the green. The man looks totally shocked by the irony of the situation, and replies. Nah, last time I tried that shot, I double boogied the hole!!!

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...IN PRISON... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON... You get three meals a day.
AT WORK... You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON... You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.IN PRISON... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON... You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON... You get your own toilet.
AT WORK... You have to share.IN PRISON... They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.IN PRISON... All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK... You get to more...

10 Things To Do In An Elevator To Have Fun
1. Blow out a huge depressed fart and blame it on the person next to you out loud.
2. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
3. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
4. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Show other passengers a rash on your genitals and ask if it looks infected.
7. Leave a box between the doors.
8. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
9. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask' is that your beeper?'
10. Say' I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons.

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
AT WORK you only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT WORK you have to share.

IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then more...

Labor or Hard Labor.....you decide! In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8`x 10` cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6`x 8`cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. In prison you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside more...

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas.
7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.)
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. more...