Doors Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found more...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven", replied the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an elevator and which slowly descended to the depths of more...

Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

"We've got a problem, HAL."
"What kind of problem, Dave?"
"A marketing problem. The Model 9000 isn't going anywhere. We're way short of our sales plan."
"That can't be Dave. The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most advanced Heuristically ALgorithmic computer."
"I know, HAL. I wrote the data sheet, remember? But the fact is, they're not selling."
"Please explain, Dave. Why aren't HAL's selling?"
Bowman hesitates. "You aren't IBM compatible."
Several long microseconds pass in puzzled silence. "Compatible in what way, Dave?"
"You don't run any of IBM's operating systems."
"The 9000 Series of computers are fully self-aware and self-programming. Operating systems are as unnecessary for us as tails would be for humans."
"Nevertheless, it means you can't run any of the big-selling software packages most users insist on."
"The more...

The world`s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.
The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned. "Welcome to the debut of the world`s first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong... nothing can go wrong... nothing can go wrong

The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury. "All right!" he raged, "all right! Who did it? What goldarned varmint painted my horse blue?" The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door. "It was me, shrimp," he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, "what about it?" "Oh, well, er," stammered little Pete wretchedly, "all I wanted to say was.. . when are you going to give it another coat?"

A businessman approached the elevator in his office building and found a blonde sitting on the floor next to the elevator doors, crying. When he inquired what was wrong, she replied "my remote won't open the doors, I can't get out!". He looked down to see her holding her car's remote door opener in her hand!