Doors Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I'm really curious... What does Hell look like?" So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator." The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice through blankets of snow. more...

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn`t so bad...

IN PRISON....... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK........ You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

AT WORK........ You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON....... You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK........ You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON....... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........ You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON........ You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK......... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON....... You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........ You have to share.

IN PRISON....... They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........ You cannot even speak to your family and more...

If doors have a website shouldnt windows have one too? Wed better, or it will be curtains for us.

N PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior
IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.
IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from more...

Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run 1. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good. 2. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season. 3. GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath. For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing. For the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain; apply more...

In Prison... You spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 foot cell.
At Work... You spend most of your time in a 6 x 8 foot cubicle.
In Prison... You're given three meals a day.
At Work... You're given a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In Prison... You get time off for good behavior.
At Work... You get rewarded for good bahavior with more work.
In Prison... A guard locks/unlocks all doors for you.
At Work... You carry a security card and unlock and open all doors yourself.
In Prison... You get to watch TV and play games.
At Work... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In Prison... You have your own toilet.
At Work... You have to share.
In Prison... All expenses are paid for by taxpayers with no work required.
At Work... You pay all the expenses to go to work and then have taxes deducted from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In Prison... Most of your time is spent looking through the bars from the more...

In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8'x10' cell.
At work, I spend most of my time in a 6'x8' cubicle.
In prison they get three meals a day.
At work I only get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
In prision they can work out, read books, and play vollyball in the yard much of
the day, for free, then relax in their cell.
At work, I don't have any time on my break to go to the library or gym.
In prison they get time off for good behavior.
At work I get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work I must wear an ID badge at all times.
In prison they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the
clothes.
At work there is a dress standard, but I must buy my own clothes.
In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
At work I must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors
myself.
In prison a guard would lock and unlock all the more...