Double Jokes / Recent Jokes

A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of Thumb: Never be absolute, unless absolutely necessary: A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Which condom would you use....
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey- you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.
The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your more...

Which condom would you use....Nike Condoms: Just do it.Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.Ford Condoms: The best never rest.Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did? New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey- you never know.California Lotto Condoms: Who's next? Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...General Electric: We bring good things to life! AT&T condom: 'Reach out and touch more...

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back.
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said: "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah... My wife!"

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a doublescotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside hisshirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket andordered another double scotch. Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all nightlong. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another." The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she startsto look good, then I know it's time to go home."

"Gimme a double whiskey!" the little boy yelled to the barmaid as he entered the saloon.
"Do you want to get me in trouble?" she asked.
The lad replied: "Maybe later- but right now, I just want a drink."

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.

The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."

The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"

So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good more...