Dream Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three guys drive to a ski resort and arrive late at night. They finally find a place to stay, but when they get to their room, they find that it only has one large bed, and this is the last room in the place. They decide, "what the heck, it's only one night" and share the bed.
The next morning they all wake up. The guy on the left side of the bed says, "I had the strangest dream. I thought some guy was jerking me off."
The guy on the other side of bed is shocked. "I had the same dream, too!"
The guy who slept in the middle says, "Well, I didn't have that dream. I dreamt that I was skiing."
"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist. "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. As you can imagine, I found this very disturbing. In fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream."
The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding: "A Coke? That's a breakfast?"
Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had awonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautifulcountry, and on each house I saw a banner." "What did it say on the banners?" Clinton asks. Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah." Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner." "What could you see on the banners?" Saddam asks. Clinton replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."
In The News - Excerpts from the LA Times
Included Late Night humor
A failing Mexican economy is expected to have a dramatic impact on the United States. All of our big companies may have to move back.
OJ UPDATE: In light of damaging testimony given by Ron Shipp, Simpson's "Dream Team" will now be referred to as the "Dream Interpretation Team". Shipp added that his cousin Johnnie Cochran's dream finally came true. Robert Shapiro finally sat down and shut up.
Defense lawers referred to OJ as the embodiment of the "American Dream." Of coarse, they've also referred to sulferic acid as "America's Favorite Thirst Quencher".
They're going to re-release OJ's movie and re-name it "Naked Gun 33 1/3 to Life". The Fox movie about OJ wasn't very up to date. It had him saying he was inside the house sleeping when the crime was comitted. Where have they been? That was like two alibi's ago.
And finally, in other news - more...
Cesium Glows
(Tune, Love's a Rose - Neil Young)
Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when it's on the tongue.
Lips full of holes, you'll know you've kissed it,
Just take a bite if you want to die young.
I want to see what's never been seen,
I want to dream that Cesium dream.
Come on love, we can glow together,
Let's eat it all right now.
Take a bite right now.
I want to lie in a hole in the ground,
Six feet deep, and twelve feet 'round.
Sky blue light around me shinin',
Pale blue worms upon me dinin'.
Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when its on your tongue.
Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,
Gimme a spoon 'cause I wanna die Young.
-Songs of Cesium #109
"Doctor, I had a terrible dream last night."
"What was that, Mr. Mariotti?"
"I dreamed that I was at a Miss Universe pageant and was surrounded by spectacularly beautiful girls from all over the world, wearing skimpy bathing suits."
"Really? And what was bad about it?"
"I was Miss Italy."
(I guess you can say it was a bit of a drag).