Dream Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams.

"I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream."

"I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life."

His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?"

"Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing."

It's a very cold winter's night, so three homeless guys huddle up close to stay warm.
When they wake up in the morning, the guy on the left says, "I had a dream somebody was pulling on my dick all night."
The guy on the right says, "I had a dream somebody was pulling on my dick too."
The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream I went skiing."

The only way to make a dream come true is to wake up and live it.

A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how tired she looked. "Yeah" she said, "I didn't sleep well last night, I had this really strange dream." "Do tell" said her neighbor, pouring the coffee. "Well, I dreamed I woke up and went downstairs as usual, but when I looked in the mirror my face had turned orange, and my hair was sticking straight up out of my head and was green!" "Sounds like you turned into a punk rocker or something" the neighbor said, with a grin. "No" she said, "It wasn't like that. It was as if I knew something was wrong, but it seemed normal somehow, you know what I mean?" "Sure" said the neighbor, "Everybody's had dreams like that." "Well anyway" she continued, "I decided to go down and get the mail, because even in my dream, I figured I must be dreaming, so what the heck if I was orange, you more...

Moshe was taking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?" The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?"

a couple gets married. 40 years later, they're in
the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off
her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her
legs.. . and he starts to cry. she says, "What's
the matter?" he says, "40 years ago i coun't wait
to eat it, and now it looks like it wants to eat
me."
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When do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
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Leeds is drinking all afternoon and suddenly
pukes all over his shirt. He slobbers, "My wife
is gonna kill me." The bartender says, "Put a
twenty-dollar bill in your top pocket and tell
your wife that a drunk threw up on you and then
gave you the twenty bucks to get it cleaned." He
agrees it's a great idea. When he gets hime, he
walks in, tells her the story, and hands her more...

3 men went to wales on a camping trip and had a great time fishing in the day but when it got to night fall all three of them were freezing so they all huddled together to keep warm. Eventually they fell asleep.
The next morning the first man woke up and said "I had a dream last night that someone was holding my penis" and with that the second man said "I had a dream that someone was holding my penis too" and the man who was sleeping in the middle said "Thats funny, I had a dream last night that i was skiing!"