Dressed Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven, ” said St Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a human resources director make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you. ” “No problem, just let me in, ” said the woman. “Well, I’d like to, ” replied St Peter, “but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. ” “Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven, ” said the woman. “Sorry, we have rules…” And with that St Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out more...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was fatally stuck by a bus. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greated at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, oddly enough, we've never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we're not quite sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an express elevator to hell.

The doors more...

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better. Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed. Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"

An old man, dressed in a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat, and a phony beard, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
Curious about his attire, the bartender asked, "Going to a party, old-timer?"
"Yeah, I'm going to a costume party. I"m supposed to go dressed as my love life," explained the old man.
"But, you look like Abe Lincoln," replied the puzzled bartender.
"That's right," the old man groaned. "My last four scores were seven years ago!"

One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said, "Honey, can you go over to the Drug Store and pick me up some Asprin?" The husband said yes, got dressed in the dark, and walked over to the Drug Store. When he got to the Drug Store, he got the Asprin and went up to the desk so that the clerk could ring it up. Then when he got up there, the clerk asked,"Say, Aren't you Mike This-and-That?" Mike answered him and said, "Yes I am." Then the clerk looked puzzled and asked, "Well, aren't you a police officer?" And again Mike replied yes. Then the clerk asked,"Then why are you dressed like the fire chief?" Sent by Tyler

In the afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake one guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures him to stop. Our guy rolls down the window, "How can I help you?"
"I am the red bastard of the asphalt. You got something to eat?"
With a smile in his face, he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away.
Not even five minutes thereafter he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window. "What can I do for you?"
"I am the yellow bastard of the asphalt. You got something to drink?"
Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of coke and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster and not to stop no more...

A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, "Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?" The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down the highway and was yet again pulled over by a man fully dressed in green. He stopped and the guy in green said, "Hi, I'm the green jerk of the highway. Have anything to drink?" Without smiling, the man handed the green guy his coke. He started off again and started to speed down the highway. Yet again he was stopped by a guy fully dressed in blue. Sighing, he pulled over and pulled down his window, leant out and said, "Let me guess. You're the blue jerk of the highway. What do you want?" "Registration and license please" came the reply.