Dressed Jokes / Recent Jokes
Twas the night before Christmas, in my house's halls
Stirred many pro wrestlers, partaking in brawls;
Mr. Socko was hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Mick Foley soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of roody-poos danced in their heads;
And momma in her doo-rag, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap;
When out on the lawn I heard the glass shatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away through the bedroom Jeff Hardy dashed,
And finished off momma with a senton splash.
The lights from the previous match with Al Snow
Gave the lustre of blunt foreign objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a bird-flipping Rattlesnake chugging a beer,
With a guy so electrifying no one can mock,
I knew in a moment it must be The Rock.
As he raised his eyebrow his people more...
Charlie had a massive heart attack and died. His body was delivered to the mortuary. He had been wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit at the time of his demise, so he really looked wonderful, considering the circumstances. His wife went to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for his interment. She spoke to the mortician about what her husband would be wearing. The mortician pointed out that the man looked really nice in the black suit he was wearing, and that frankly it would be easier and less expensive to leave him dressed as he was. The woman noted that Charlie had always looked his very best in blue, and that she really wanted him in a blue suit for his trip to eternity. To silence the mortician's continued outcries, she gave him a blank check and said, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in the very best blue suit money can buy for the ceremony." The woman came back the next day for the wake. To her delight, she found her more...
This list is a general disclaimer for any wives or girlfriends who happen upon a copy of this:
1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.
4) When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.
5) If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore more...
Proper Dress Code
A recent college graduate got hired by the human-development center of a large corporation to train the employees in proper dress code and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man who was casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
"Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" she said in a scolding tone.
"That's one of the benefits of owning the company," the man replied with a grin.
One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the more...
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Directorwas tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never oncehad a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to,"
replied St. Peter, "but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven,"said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive inan elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. more...