Drill Jokes / Recent Jokes

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is more...

Rules for Buying Gifts for Men
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can more...

Rules for Buying Gifts for MenRule #1:When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.Rule #2:If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the wordratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.Rule #3:If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.Rule #4:Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.Rule #5:You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have more...

"You make me hornier before 9 AM than most people do all day!"
"What's a pathetic weak piece of @#$%*! like you doing in a !&%#@$ dump like this??"
"Drop trou and give me 20!"
"Care to accompany me on a quiet, romantic, moonlit beach for a 5-mile hike and a hundred push-ups"
"Soldier, I'm admiring your strategic frontal mammary tissue mounds, two each."
"Remember 'An Officer and a Gentleman'? I'm neither, baby."
"The penalty for being out of uniform is a spanking."
"Wanna know why I'm called a 'drill' sergeant?"
"Drop and give me 69!"
"Baby, you put the 'fox' in 'foxhole'."
"You'll only have to give me one pushup soldier, if it's your bra."
"Your perfume reminds me of napalm in the morning."
"Drop and give me 20 - on my lap."
"Wanna help me get an 'honorable discharge'?"
and more...

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . .

* United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 *

1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can't have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo.

2) Dress blues. They're the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide.

3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart.

4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member.

5) Marines don't wear dungarees.

6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out -- as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren't still in the country. Now that's respect.

7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back more...

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . .
* United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 *
1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can’t have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo.
2) Dress blues. They’re the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide.
3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart.
4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member.
5) Marines don’t wear dungarees.
6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out - as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren’t still in the country. Now that’s respect.
7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back to Haiti after 60 years, an old man on more...

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . . * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can't have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo. 2) Dress blues. They're the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide. 3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart. 4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member. 5) Marines don't wear dungarees. 6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out -- as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren't still in the country. Now that's respect. 7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back to Haiti after 60 years, an old man on the Cap-Haitien beach said ``Welcome back!'' 8) more...