Driver Jokes / Recent Jokes

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the more...

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.
He
went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first
thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver
was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers
license?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away
the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few
minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see yourregistration?"
asked the cop.
"Registration... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently.
After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The
officer more...

A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 120 mph!
The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over. He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?"
The driver replied, "Was I officer, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't aware of that."
The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?"
The man replied, "I don't have one officer."
"Of course you do," said the policeman.
"No sir, I don't," said the man.
"So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman.
"This is not my car, I stole it," said the man.
"You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman.
"Yes I'm afraid so sir,"
Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me see the registration, so we can find out who it belongs to."
The man more...

Arriving home a day early from a business trip, a man got into a taxi at the airport just after midnight. While enroute he asked the driver if he would be a witness, since he suspected his wife was having an affair and expected to catch her in the act.
The driver agreed. When they arrived at the man's house, they both tiptoed into the bedroom and turned on the lights. The husband rushed over to the bed, threw back the covers and found his wife in bed with another man.
As the husband held a gun to the man's head, his wife screamed, "Don't hurt him. This man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for that Porche I bought you? He did! Who do you think paid for our new yacht? He did!"
The husband looked over at the cab driver and asked, "What would you do in a case like this?"
"I'd cover him up fast before he catches cold!" replied the grinning driver.

From London Times via Car and Driver:
Comrade Gorbachev is being driven from his dacha to Moscow and
is in a hurry. He is getting irritated with the slowness of his
driver. "Can't you go any faster?" he says angrily. "I have to
obey the speed limits," says the driver.
Finally Gorbachev
orders the driver into the back and takes the wheel. Sure
enough a patrol car soon pulls them over. The senior officer
orders the junior to go write up the ticket. But the junior
officer comes back and says he can't give them a ticket, the
person in the car is too important.
"Well, who is it?" the senior officer asks.
"I didn't recognize him," says the junior
officer, "but Comrade Gorbachev is his chauffeur."
Raj Wall
Texas Instruments

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it. The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?" The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor." Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?" The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor." The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?" The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President." This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is m ore important than the President?!" more...

14 Things to do While Taking a Driver's Test
1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "buckle up!"
3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat.
4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say "oops".
5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?"
6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
7. Fill your car with beer bottles.
8. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
9. Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test.
10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
11. Swear at everybody on the road.
12. When you stop at a light, start revving the more...