Drop Jokes / Recent Jokes

When I'm a little old lady, then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy.
To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door.
I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed. And whenever they scold me, I'll hang my head.
I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away. .... the time to be spent doing chores every day.
I'll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone.
Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer. .. and never pick up what I drop on the floor.
Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.
I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more.
When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.
I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then. . when they more...

1. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."2. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot! My glass eye!!"3. Say "Darn, this water is cold."4. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.5. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"6. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!"7. Take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."

If you drop a fork, it`s a sign company is coming. If a fork is missing, it`s a sign company is leaving.

The Ghost Poo: The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl. The Clean poo - The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but theres no poo on the toilet paper. The Wet Poo- You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. The Wet Cheeks Poo- That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back. The Second Wave Poo- This poo happens when you think you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more. The Brain Haemorrhage-through-your-nose Poo- You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke. The Lincoln Log Log- The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little more...

One day there was this fly flying about six inches above the water.
There was a fish in the water thinking if that fly would just drop six inches i could jump up and eat it
A little ways away there was a bear thinking if that fly would only drop six inches, the fish would junp up, and i could snatch the fish
Farther away there was a hunter thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, the fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch the fish, and i could shoot the bear.
Behind the hunter there was a rat thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, that fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch, the fish the hunter would shoot the bear, and i could get that sandwich in his back pocket.
Behind the rat there was a cat that was thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, that fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear, the rat would get the sandwich, and i could more...

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, little johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it." Is it wine?" she asked." No," little johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue." Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little johnny replied, "A puppy!"

Martha Stewart vs Me...
Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...