Duck Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hotsummer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a bigbundle of wire." Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that wire?" "Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here'schicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!""You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!""Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back atthe end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickenscaught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kidcomes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. "Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where ya goin' with that tape?" "Well, thishere ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catchme some ducks!""You can't catch ducks with duck tape!" the farmer more...
A duck walks in to a drug store and asks for a condom. The sales person comes back with the condom and says "Put this on your bill sir" to which the duck replies "what do you think I'M a dickhead!"
A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread[After a few minutes]Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don't have any bread[In a little while]Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread![Some time later]Duck: Got any bread? Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar.................. Duck: You got any nails? Barman: NO! Duck: You got any bread? Sent by Duncan
A duck goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "You got any fish?"
The bartender says, "No. This is a bar and we don't sell fish" so the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck goes back to the bar and asks, "You got any fish?"
The bartender says,"I told you yeaterday. This is a bar and we don't sell fish."
Ther following day, the duck returns and asks,"You got any fish?"
The bartender looses it, grabs the duck bu the neck, and screams,"I TOLD YOU TWICE. THIS IS A BAR. WE DON"T SELL FISH IF YOU ASK AGAIN, I'M GONNS NAIL YOUR *@#& WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR!"
The next day, the duck goes in the bar and asks, "Got any nails?"
The bartender sighs and says, "No, we don"t have any nails."
The duck says,"Good. Got any fish?"