Duck Jokes / Recent Jokes

For a boy's 15th birthday, his father gave him a duck, and said, "Go into town and see what you can get with this." The boy then went in search of the best deal he could find.
He first ran into a hooker who offered, "I'll have sex with you if you give me the duck."
He agreed. Afterwards, she was so impressed she said, "If you do it again, I'll give you the duck back."
He thought that this was an excellent deal, and agreed.
Since he had his duck back, he continued to walk through town to try to find something else. Suddenly, the duck flew out of his arms and into an oncoming truck. The driver of the truck was so sorry about killing the duck, he gave the boy 2 dollars.
When the boy arrived home, his father asked what he recieved for the duck.
His reply: "Well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and two bucks for a fucked up duck!"

A drunken man stumbles into his bedroom at 3am, clutching a duck under his arm and wakes up his wife.'Well, what do ya think of ma pig?' he shouts to his wife.'You drunken idiot, that's no pig, that's a duck!' she glares back.'You shut up! I was talkin' to the duck!'

So a duck walks into a bar hops up onto a stool and says, "got any grapes?" and the bartender says, "No we only sell beer and whiskey and stuff like that." so the duck leaves. The next day the duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any grapes?" and the bartender said, "I already told you NO now get out of here if you come back and ask me that question again I will nail your beak to the bar!" so again the duck leaves and comes back the next day hops up on the stool and says, "Got any nails?" and the bartender said, "No why?" and the duck says, "Got any grapes!"

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? A firequaker!

Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God".
"Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here" God said to her. "Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks" God said. "We love and cherish ducks here".
So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him.
Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing. "Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks". So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man.
The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing. "DON'T STEP on more...

Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God"."Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here" God said to her. "Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks" God said. "We love and cherish ducks here".So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him.Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing. "Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks". So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man.The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing. "DON'T STEP on the more...

A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. “Get that pig out of here! ” yelled the bartender. “That’s not a pig, stupid! ” she replied, “That’s a duck! ” “I know! ” said the bartender, “I was talking to the duck! ”