Duck Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is a list of the Cartoon Laws Of Physics:
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure more...

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away. The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm... green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound... might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone. A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

A fat lady walks into a bar with a duck on her shoulder, as she walks up to the bartender he says whats with the pig so she she says this is a duck, so he says I was talking to the duck.

tick...tick...tick...tick...tick...tick...tick...

"Hello, I'm Mike Walrus, and this is 60 Seconds"

"We're here in Hong Kong to bring you a story that may shock and horrify some viewers. This city is a beehive of industry and activity, a monument to free enterprise and commerce, but behind these shops and warehouses, hidden from public view, is the sordid story of a condiment gone terribly wrong.

"I'm talking about duck sauce. You've probably seen or tried it before, those little orange packets tossed in with your Chinese take-out meals. But look closely at them...those little floating bits aren't apricot...they're real duck.

"Yes, it's a tragic tale of waterfowl laid waste, an underground industry that reaps millions of export dollars and is depleting the duck population all around the South China Sea.

"We tracked several shipments of duck sauce to a clandestine factory here, operating under the name more...

Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting. Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How come? The hunters were a man, his son and his grandson.

This guy walks into a bar. He is carrying three ducks and he places them
on the bar. He has a few drinks with his mate and then has to go to the
toilet. The other guy is left with the ducks and decides to make conversation.
"What's your name?" he asks the first duck. "Huey" came the answer.
"So how's your day been?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a great time. Been
in and out of puddles all day." The man says "oh. Good"
He then says to the second duck. "Hi. And what's your name?" "Dewey"
came the answer. "So how's your day been?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a
great time. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had another day,
I'd do it all over again"
So then the guy turns to the third duck and says "So, you must be Louie".
the duck replies "No. My name is Puddles and I've had a bloody awful day"
Brian

...and the bartender came over to the first duck and says:
"what's your name and what've you been doing" the duck says " my names Heuie and I've been jumping in puddles", then the bartender goes over to the second duck and asks, what's your name and what've you been doing", the second duck says "my names Duie and I've been jumping in puddles", then the bartender goes over to the last duck and says "don't tell me your name is Louie and you've been jumping in puddles" the duck replies: "no, my names Puddles and I've been having a bad day"!!!