Duck Jokes / Recent Jokes
Some teachers are in the habit of preaching dead dogma that has long since stopped being meaningful. Spiritual teaching, like everything else, needs renewal.
A wise teacher who lived in China was visited by a friend who brought with him a nice duck. They made a handsome meal of it. The next day, another man, who claimed to be the friend of the friend who brought the duck, dropped by for a meal. The teacher shared the scraps with him, for that was all he had.
The next evening yet another man dropped in claiming to be the friend of the friend of the friend who brought the duck. The teacher asked him to sit down and served him a bowl of hot water.
"What is this?" asked the visitor in consternation.
"That", said the teacher," is soup made from the soup made from the soup of the duck I was given three days ago."
Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of duck tape."
The old man says, "What you gonna more...
A duck walks into a job center and says to the man behind the desk' Excuse me; I'm looking for a job. Can you help?'
The man can't believe it and replies' hold on minute sir, I'll make some enquiries for you'....the man then phones up a showbiz agency and explains that there's this amazing talking duck wanting a job and could the agent find him work in a show somewhere. Obviously the agent is excited and has no problem in finding a show for the duck.
The man goes back to the duck and says' Good news sir, I've found you job in show business'
With this the duck replies' That`s no good, I'm a plumber'
A duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender. The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says. The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want." The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes." The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!" The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes." The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!" The bartender more...
Once upon a time there was a mother duck and a father duck who had seven baby ducklings. Six of them were regular-looking ducklings. The seventh was a REALLY ugly duckling.
Everyone used to say, "What a nice-looking bunch of ducklings- all except that one. Boy, he's really ugly." The really ugly duckling heard these people, but he didn't care. He knew that ONE day, he would probably grow up to be a swan, and be bigger and look better than anything in the pond.
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WELL, AS IT TURNED OUT, HE WAS JUST A REALLY UGLY DUCKLING. AND HE GREW UP TO BE JUST A REALLY UGLY DUCK.
THE END.
A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path. "Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter. She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird. Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem. And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale. She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst..."Hey, lady!" "Yes?" she responded. "Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes. "No, not anymore," she answered. "Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"