During Jokes / Recent Jokes
During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europefor three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught asupply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught atrain to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not finda seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the trainlooking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there wasroom for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her."Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude", she said,"can't you see my dog is sitting there"? He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place."Lady I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to holdyour dog if I can sit down", more...
APPEAL- A 250 decibel scream made to overcome the obvious congenital deafness so common in the umpiring profession.
AVAGOYAMUG- The mysterious, almost religious chant that comes out of the mouth of the cricket spectator. Sometimes it can be repeated by the one person 1200 times in an afternoon, especially if the Englishmen are batting.
BLOCK- Taking block, a slow painful ritual involving an incoming batsman, the umpire and a little pitch excavation. A means of postponing the fearful onslaught.
BRADMAN- See God.
BYE- A way of scoring a run or more by cleverly missing the ball. The umpire raises one arm as if he wants to leave the room. The wicketkeeper wishes he could.
CAUGHT BEHIND- Trapped in the turnstiles.
COMMENTATOR- He's venerable. His eyesight is not as good as it was in 1938 but it's remarkable how he can still pick an inswinger or an outswinger from 200 metres. Whats going on in the centre can be a wretched more...
There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor. A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the noise they'd heard last night was. He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl." The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his girlfriend the next night. During that night, the two other brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl." Now, the youngest brother was really more...
Q: What did the blonde say during a porno? A: "There I am!"
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble withone of his medications. ‘Which one? ’ I asked. ’The patch. The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it! ’ I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying anew one
A young wife whose husband had grown neglectful decided that the best way to arouse his dormant interest would be to shock him into jealousy.
"Darling," she purred one night, "the doctor I visited today said I had the most flawless face, full, well-rounded breasts and the loveliest legs he'd ever seen."
"And did he say anything about your fat ass?" her husband asked her.
"Oh no, dear," she said calmly, "your name wasn't mentioned once during our talk."
"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job"--George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"--Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?. .. I bet if they did, I hope I would say,' Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"--George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex. .. uh... setbacks." --George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." --Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." --Dan Quayle during a more...