"Humorous Defintions" joke

APPEAL- A 250 decibel scream made to overcome the obvious congenital deafness so common in the umpiring profession.

AVAGOYAMUG- The mysterious, almost religious chant that comes out of the mouth of the cricket spectator. Sometimes it can be repeated by the one person 1200 times in an afternoon, especially if the Englishmen are batting.

BLOCK- Taking block, a slow painful ritual involving an incoming batsman, the umpire and a little pitch excavation. A means of postponing the fearful onslaught.

BRADMAN- See God.

BYE- A way of scoring a run or more by cleverly missing the ball. The umpire raises one arm as if he wants to leave the room. The wicketkeeper wishes he could.

CAUGHT BEHIND- Trapped in the turnstiles.

COMMENTATOR- He's venerable. His eyesight is not as good as it was in 1938 but it's remarkable how he can still pick an inswinger or an outswinger from 200 metres. Whats going on in the centre can be a wretched inconvevience when he's just recalling that marvellous incident on the fourth day of the Fifth Test in 1948. He is superb at describing seagulls and most graceful at 5pm when he refers to the long shadows moving across the ground. At 6pm during the suming up he can usually cause a shock by actually referring to the days play.

ESKY- A trade device used for carting refreshments mostly into sports grounds. Many of them are made of plastic foam. In moments of extreme emotion during Test matches it is done to break up your esky and throw the pieces at the players.

EXTRAS- Or in politer circles, sundries. Here we have the collection of no balls and byes. Extras is quite a fellow. Sometimes he is so skillful he is the top scorer of the day.

FOOTBALL- A crude winter game played with an inflated pigskin. It provides much tedious talk in the newspapers, bars and on the airwaves. If particular care is not taken it will get worse and the desire will arise to play it all year round.

GOD- See Bradman.

HORSE RACING- A strange unecessary sport where horses are thrashed into competing against one another. It is used for the sole purpose of interrupting cricket descriptions on the radio.