Ear Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said." We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your' ear' or whatever." The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my' ear'," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly, "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied!

Jon bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested Jon notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.

The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your
other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"

Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later. Prefers three left turns to one right turn. Pressure's up, but there's a slow leak somewhere. Produces a zero-length core dump. Proof God has a sense of humor. Proof of Einstein's theory that there is no limit to human stupidity. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Put a lens in each ear and you've got a telescope. Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn't annoying. Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway. Qualifies for the mental express line -- five thoughts or less. -- MacNelly Quotes entire letters/articles as responses and hides her one line of wisdom in the middle. Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he'd come in third. Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk. Reads her newspaper back-to-front. Reads Homer in the original Greek, but doesn't know Greek. Ready to check in at the HaHa Hilton. Ready to join the Anti-Mensa more...

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best ans wer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this more...

161. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write' Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper


162. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.


163. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.


164. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.


165. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The Blonde!


166. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.


167. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-
1.


168. Q: Did you hear more...

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in
Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin, "It's been a long
time now. I really need to have sex."
Odin stood and pondered for a while, before replying, "Go
to Earth, O Thor, and find thyself what they call a' lady of
joy' and treat her to your manly pleasures."
And this Thor did. The next day, he came back up to see
Odin, and told him of the previous night's events. "My
friend," he said, grinning from ear to ear, "It was
wonderful. We had passionate sex 37 times.."
"37 times!" exclaimed Odin. "That poor woman! Mere
mortals cannot endure such treatment. You must go and
apologize this instant!"
So Thor went back down to earth and found the
aforementioned prostitute, saying. "I'm sorry about last
night, but you see, I'm Thor..."
"You're Thor?" shouted the girl. more...