Earl Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mary was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
On a woman, the doctor said, the heart would be just below your left breast.? Later that night, Mildred was found in the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

Bubba and Earl got promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Shortly after, they were out walking when Bubba said, "Hey, Earl, there's the NCO Club. Let's go in and have us a drank."
"But we's privates," protested Earl. Pointing out their stripes, Bubba replied, "No we ain't Earl, we's Sergeants now!"
They went in and ordered their drinks. A few minutes later, a hooker walked up to Bubba and said, "You're real cute. I'd love to take you somewhere and make you feel real good, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulled Earl closer and whispered, "Quick, go look in the dictionary and see what that gon-o-rea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."
Earl came back and gave Bubba the okay sign. A couple of weeks later, Bubba was in the infirmary with a case of gonorrhea. "Earl," he said, "why'd you gimme the okay fer?"
"Bubba, in the dictionary it says gonorrhea only affects the privates. more...

One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Looky thar up ahead Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?" "No sir." said Earl. "We're on the patch."

This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled overby the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and theguy replied, "Earl." "You got a last name, Earl?" "Nope. It's a long story, Officer." "I got time." Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known asEarl Doo-Daa. I was going to school to become a doctor, andI did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD. I got bored justbeing a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and became Earl Doo-Daa, M. D., D. D. After a little more time I fooled around with this girl and got VD. So I was known asEarl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD. When the medical boardfound out about my VD they took away my MD so I was knownas Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD. The dentistry board also foundout about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl Doo-Dah with VD. Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah soI'm now just Earl."

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be." On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?", asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "the heart would be just below the left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.