Label Jokes

My favorite museum when I was growing up, the one that influenced me the most, was the Kit Carson Museum.
It was really impressive because right away when you walked in what you saw was this case with two human skulls in it, dramatically presented.
One skull was larger and had a label stating "The Skull of Kit Carson." That was really something.
Then, to the side, there was this smaller skull with a label that said "The Skull of Kit Carson as a Boy"...

The patch thing is going way to far....smoking patches, lose weight patches,
now this....
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of
bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a
poll-ice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin'
these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the
bottles under the seat".
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and
each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the
sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch".

These are some of the error messages produced by Apple's MPW C
compiler. They are all real. (If you must know I was bored one
afternoon and decompiled the String resources for the compiler.)
"String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters; that's 3
more than ANSI said I should)"
"...And the lord said, 'lo, there shall only be case or default
labels inside a switch statement'"
"A typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your
program"
"You can't modify a constant, float upstream, win an argument with
the IRS, or satisfy this compiler"
"This struct already has a perfectly good definition"
"type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I
know you don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)"
"Can't cast a void type to type void (because the ANSI spec. says
so, that's why)"
"Huh?"
"Can't go more...

1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick."
4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.
5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el papa), the more...

Girls, allegedly so timorous and lacking in confidence, now outnumber boys in student government, in honor societies, on school newspapers, and even in debating clubs.
- Christina Hoff Sommers, The War Against Boys
***
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
- Groucho Marx
***
A woman phoned the dry cleaners saying that the designer label was missing from her dress's neckband. Assuring her that they would look for it, the owner spent the whole afternoon searching the shop. Finally, he found the label in a trash bin. He cleaned and pressed it, and dropped it off at the customer's home. "Oh, thank you," she gushed. "I'm having a garage sale tomorrow and I can always charge a few dollars more for a dress with a label on it."
***
"Anheuser-Busch announced they are coming out with low-carb beer called "Ultra" which is aimed at the diet-conscious beer drinker. Diet-conscious beer drinker... aren't those more...