Earth Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of dollar bills and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank.
"You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What... and we weren't?"
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?"
The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a huge room full of clocks.
The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"
St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged."
The guy thinks that this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why that is?
St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock."
This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before more...
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been!
As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300, 000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3. 5 children per household, that's 91. 8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west more...
all the female dinos in Jurassic Park have problems mating, since they were all on their Jurassic Period.
JP Quote-
God Creates Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs Rule the Earth.
Dinosaurs Die Out, God Creates Man.
Man Rules The Earth, Man Creates Dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs Kill Man.Then Women Rule the Earth.
Q. Did you hear about the new product for female dinos that prevents them from experiencing that extinct feeling?
A. Jurassic Eve- Dino Dousing
Pantyhose for female dinos would probably be packaged in large plastic dinosaur eggs.
Rex Beer, the new Dinosaur alcholic beverage that brings out the tyrant in the drinker.
Q.Did you hear about the newest dino singing craze?
A.Rap-tors
Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one more...
Woman who go to man's apartment for snack, gets tit-bit. Man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth. Man who gets kicked in balls, left holding the bag. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face. Passionate kiss like spider web. .. lead to undoing of fly. Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night. Virginity like balloon. .. one prick, all gone. Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town. Man who farts in church, sits in own pew. Baseball all wrong. .. man with four balls no can walk. Man who live in glass house, dress in basement. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. Man with penis in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent. Woman who fly upside down, have crack up. Man who go to bed with question of sex on mind wake up with more...