Easy Jokes

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The officeworker asked her, "How many children do you have?""Ten," she replied."What are their names?" he asked."LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered."They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them tocome in from playing outside?""Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they allcome running in.""And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?""I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered."But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked."Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

John
Kerry meets with the Queen of England. He asks her,
"Your Majesty,
how do you run such an efficient government? Are there
any tips you can give
to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important
thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Kerry frowns. "But how do I know the people around
me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy.
You just ask them to
answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes
a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair
in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles, "Answer me this, please, Tony.
Your mother and father have a child. It is not your
brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That
would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says more...

It's So Easy
(Tune, It's so Easy)
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
People say that I'm a fool,
When I take my Cesium into the pool.
And it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yes it's so easy,
Where my love's concerned,
To get myself burned.
But it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
I look into her flame and see,
A sky-blue light floodin' over me.
Though it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yeah it's so easy,
When she's concerned,
To get myself burned.
Still it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
-Songs of Cesium #87

Become a Redneck in 25 Easy Steps: A Manual for Yuppies
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck?
Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn't know how?
Is there an inner Cletus inside that dapper and dignified image, just hollerin' to get out?
Well, now you can become the redneck you have always wanted to be!
Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That is all you will need to start!
Now follow the 25 easy guidelines in our manual!
Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
1) We assume you are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is also assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2,000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching more...

I asked Dan Judd, a graduate student who works for me, to look into creating
an electronic suggestion box for the dean of the college. This is what he
came back with.
Options for creating an anonymous suggestion box for the Dean.
1) Slip note under Dean's door.
Pro - Simple.
Would cost less to implement than generating this report.
Con - Only small notes fit.
Not too anonymous in the middle of the day.
2) Put note in box outside Dean's office.
Pro - Simple.
Anonymity reasonable during the day.
Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
Con - Requires ability to find the Dean's office.
Suggestions weighing more a few pounds unworkable.
Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
Will probably get more gum wrappers that suggestions.
3) Mail to an address that strips off headers and forwards to Dean.
Pro - Easy to do from anywhere in the building.
Big messages not a problem.
Electronic more...