Easy Jokes / Recent Jokes
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
The hunters "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says:
A redhead, brunette and a blond went to the doctor. As they sat in the waiting room, the redhead got bored and went to the small fishbowl in the middle of the room where a goldfish swam around happily.
The redhead stared at the goldfish and the fish also stared back. After 1 minute, the redhead tilted her head to the left and the fish swam in that direction. She tilted her head to the right and the fish also swam to the right.
The brunette saw this trick, was impressed and asked the redhead how she did it. "Easy", replied the redhead. "It's just mind over matter."
So, the brunette stared at the fish and the fish also stared back. After 3 minutes, the brunette tilted her head to the left and the fish swam in that direction. She tilted her head to the right and the fish also swam to the right.
The blond, seeing this trick, was also impressed and asked the brunette how she did it. "Easy", replied the brunette. "It's just mind over more...
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" - even when you don't know anything. The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
I Know the Whole Truth "At school, a boy was more...
This week, I am at home and playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is so easy, I thought I would share it with you.
1. Make the beds. What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that. Scratch one.
2. Pick up dog poop in yard. It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop? Scratch two.
3. Drop your shirts off at the cleaners. Duh, I'm on vacation, I don't need them. Scratch three.
This is easy! What's the fuss? Think I'll go on AOL for awhile.
4. Clean out Tupperware cabinet. Uh, that's a hard one. Got it! Velcro on the door will keep them closed. Scratch four.
5. Mop kitchen floor. The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me. Scratch five. Good doggie, go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.
6. Find something fun for the kids to do. That tinfoil in the microwave more...
Redmond, Wash.
April 1, 1998
Microsoft today announced the newest addition to its popular Windows (TM) line of computer operating systems. Code named Atlantis, the newest offering will be officially known as Win '00, pronounced Windows double zero.
At the gala press conference, complete with red, white, and blue lights bathing the stage, Bill Gates, President and CEO of Microsoft, personally made the announcement. Multicast to every corner of the world, Gates spoke to the huge crowd of computer press, as a 60 foot high video screen behind him showed his face, and Aerosmith sang their hit 'Dream On' in the background.
"We are on the verge of the new millenium, and Microsoft is ready to lead the way into the new century. Just as we have been on the forefront of technology, claiming every advance in computing, we will now set the newest standard in the market. Taking the concept of the Virtual machine to its next logical evolutionary stage, our new operating system more...
What is the easy way to get a wild elephant? Get a tame one and annoy it!