Easy Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day an elderly man decided that since he had never fathered any children that he would make a deposit to the local sperm bank. At the sperm bank a young doctor gave the man a jar and told him to go into the bathroom and put his deposit in it.
After what seemed like a long time the young doctor began to worry about the elderly man so he went to the bathroom door and knocked and ask if he was all right. No answer came from beyond the door so the doctor opened the door finding the elderly man breathing hard and sweating.
The Dr. asks, "Are you OK!"
The elderly man replied, "Son, it is not as easy as it use to be. I have slapped it, spit on it and beat it on the wall. I even ran hot water on it, I ran cold water on it and I can't get the lid off this jar to save my life!"
The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25
Number 4/1979. P. O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411
1. INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court decisions in the United
States which have restricted popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make
an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be
compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that
all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the
court's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such
atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States
courts cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not have the
intelligence of a cabbage, and more...
Bud invited his pal Lou - who came from Dallas - to go watch his home team playing a
great match. Being a avid baseball lover, Lou wanted to know the names of the players
of the home team. Unfortunately, Bud only knew their nick names only. So here goes the
conversation took place between the two friends.
Lou: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the
team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those
fellows?
Bud: All right. but you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays
very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we
have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the
St. Louis team.
Bud: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: You more...
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said." Anything, anything," said the ambassador." First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation." Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion more...
It ain't easy to be a dick.
I've got a head I can't think with.
An eye I can't see out of.
I have to hang around with two nuts all the time.
My closest neighbour is a real asshole.
My best friend is a pussy.
And everytime I get excited I throw up.
And worse of all, my owner beats me.
Goebel’s Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn’t worth doing. Goebel’s Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant. Goebel’s Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine. Goebel’s Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you’re going in a straight line but always end up going full circle. Goebel’s Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don’t have a chance of seeing it before that time. Goebel’s Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it. more...