Eat Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why not have your cake and eat it too - it's cake, what else are you going to do with it?
A man was travelling from Cape Town to Johannesburg when he stopped for a young hitchhiker somewhere in the middle of the Karoo. It happened that the youngster had a cleft palate and thus spoke somewhat nasally. The motorist naturally felt very sorry for the young man.
After driving for an hour or so with very little conversation between them, the man pulled off for a roadside lunch. He opened his picnic basket and offered the youngster some of his sandwiches.
"Thank you, Thir, but becauth of my problem I cannot eat anything that may cauth crumbth to enter my palate," he replied. The man felt he could'nt eat either under the circumstances and opened his thermoflask of coffee.
"Would you like some coffee, son?" he asked. "Thank you, yeth Thir, but becauth of my problem you will have to help me. I cannot drink anything that will end up in my palate, tho have to take it anally by means of thith thpecial funnel."
The obliging motorist, more...
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a `long` little doggie!" Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want." Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet." Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12" A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow." Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50, 000 flies can't be wrong)." Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." Sign in a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends." Sign in school: "In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended."
Q: Why do cats eat fur balls? - A: Because they love a good gag!
10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage". 6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil. 4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard. 2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"1. Three words: eat the check.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the' fridge or sofa or under the bed.
I must shake the rainwater off of my coat before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead or decaying mammals, fish or fowl just because I like the way they smell.
"Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my owners will think more...
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you’ll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your more...